I was asked “how am i doing?” and… It’s complicated. It requires some context.

I’ve had an interesting life. I started college at 14. I’ve written countless lines of code. I’m among the best data engineers I know (and I know a lot of brilliant engineers). I’m a combat veteran. I’ve manned the turret on a convoy, stood tower guard on the FOB, studied bombs and terrorism, and briefed generals. I’ve had a 25-year career working with robots, CPU production lines, military intelligence, healthcare, human resources, and public utilities. I’m married to an amazing woman and have a wonderful daughter. I’m surrounded and uplifted by my community and the work I do.

I’ve also struggled. I’ve worn thick glasses since I was eight years old, and had to get approval from the Pentagon before I could join the Army. I’ve had knee pain every day since basic training, and standing for long periods causes me extreme discomfort. My first panic attack happened in a grocery store after my first deployment, and I still get them regularly. Later in life, I was diagnosed with Autism – I struggle with overstimulation, audio processing challenges, and face blindness. And until just a few years ago, I was a woman hiding in the shape of a man.

Between my experiences and my struggles, I’ve learned to embrace my own morals. I love the natural diversity of the world and I celebrate the natural diversity of human experience. I believe that kindness and empathy are important – and I work to protect their fragile strength. I believe that my time and energy are the most precious currency I possess, and I spend those scarce resources on my family first, community second, and lastly to support the whole of nature. I believe that mistakes are a natural part of life, and that the purpose of civilization is to reduce the harm of those mistakes. I believe that human labor is the primary input to the economy and that corporations are evil – and I’ve sold all of my stock and 401k rather than owning investments in “capital”. I believe that petroleum products are destroying the world, and I refuse to fly on a plane or own a car. I believe that political power should derive from a democratic mandate, and I spend many hours in my community doing protest and advocacy. 

So, how am I doing? I’m great! For the first time in my life, I get to be me! Honoring my own experience has led me to a moral code that resonates with the truth of that experience, and that moral code guides my actions.

On the other hand, I’m doing terribly. The nation that I live in has decided that the morals that I believe in are a threat. The current rulers of this government (with by far the most expensive military in the world!) have decided that greed justifies the use of force, and that power allows the government to alter the truth. These folks hate diversity, equity, kindness and empathy. They are only interested in “nature” and “labor” as resources to be exploited. It’s a pretty grim moment in history, and the weight of that affects me every day.

I guess the real answer to “how am I doing?” is… It’s complicated. But mostly good. Thanks for asking ❤